Why Marrying Again is Good…

by tklicka on August 3, 2014

Okay, perhaps I’ve gotten your interest with his title. For those of you who don’t know me, you may be wondering, “What on earth is this woman talking about? Is she promoting divorce and remarriage???

For those who do know me, you’re aware that my marrying again is the result of being widowed in 2009, when my best friend, Chris Klicka, joined the worshiping throng of believers before God’s throne after fighting and finally losing a devastating battle with MS. Truly, my loss, his gain.

Yet, God loves bringing life out of death. Hope out of despondency. Joy out of sorrow. He has done that for me and countless others who have walked through saying goodbye to the love of their life. Did we ever think when we got married in 1984 that we would only have just over 25 years together? No way. But we never get to write the story of our lives. Only God gets to do that.

Holding my husband’s hand the last two weeks of his life, as I remembered both countless precious moments and many tremendously difficult ones, my thoughts would turn to thinking about my family’s future. How was I going to care for and teach my children without my husband by my side? I also wondered how I would provide for them, but I knew God would take care of us, just as He has always taken care of all our needs.

It wasn’t until a year after Chris died that I even thought about my future. Would I ever marry again? Would I want to? What would marriage to someone else—most likely completely different from my husband—look like? I couldn’t even begin to imagine. I only knew that God was already WAY ahead of me. He was charting out my future in His goodness and love, long before I ever got there.

Peter and I met in 2011 under slightly unusual circumstances—online, through a dating site called Christian Café—yet after dating for the next several months, both of us were clearly aware God was bringing us together. And today is our second anniversary already!

Honeymoon in Italy.post

Marrying again…a new chapter of life

When Chris and I married, we were just “kids,” barely out of college, growing up together with our whole life ahead of us, like clean, blank pages of a book, just waiting to be written upon.

Peter and I, on the other hand, have brought our pasts with us into our marriage—his independence and years used to living alone (think peace and quiet, but also rather dull at times!), vs. my busy years raising and teaching seven children, and being a support for Chris in his ministry and with his MS (think loud, crazy, and fun, but also challenging and very difficult at times!)

What has this meant for our marriage, and why is marrying again good?

  • Being married a second time gives you an opportunity to learn how to love someone in a fresh way. Your new spouse has a different set of needs and desires, and you get to learn all over again how to show love in a way that meets their unique needs.
  • Of course, being married again also gives you an opportunity to be loved in a whole new way. Peter’s quiet ways and listening spirit have communicated care in a very different, but very deep way to me on many occasions.
  • God provides you, through your spouse, strengths you didn’t know you needed, and weaknesses He will use to sanctify you and grow you in your faith. Our differences are painful at times, but through Peter, God is stretching me in new ways to see His goodness and grace. It’s sort of like my having to use muscles I’ve never really used before. The more you exercise these unused muscles, however, the easier and less painful it gets.
  • I’m seeing a part of God’s wisdom, creativity, and love I would never have witnessed had I not married again.
  • New experiences and adventures lie ahead to be shared! I am especially looking forward to becoming a grandparent for the first time (of many I hope!) with Peter.
  • In marrying again, I’ve been given a second chance to celebrate little things more, and handle conflict more constructively.
  • In widowhood, you know how desperately you need God. Even though I’m remarried, however, I’m re-learning that I must still depend on God for everything. Widow or not, God has been and always will be my provider. He is the One to whom we should look for everything we need. This is always good for my soul, and I don’t ever want to forget this truth!
  • Being married again reminds us what a gift from the Lord marriage is. It is the primary means of living out the reality of the gospel on a day-to-day basis. We don’t always do it well; we do always have the promise of God’s help for every communication, financial, health, or any other challenge we face. The closer we draw near to Him, the closer we become to each other.

Celebrating two years of marriage with my second husband—my best friend and the love of my life—certainly looks different than my first marriage, but it’s good…all good.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also lovedyou and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to Godas a fragrant aroma.”            ~Ephesians 5:1

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

rcjr August 4, 2014 at 2:52 PM

Well written sister, and happy anniversary. Though I cannot see such in my future, the truth is I can’t see my future, and I know I have every liberty in Christ. I rejoice for you, for Chris, for Peter, and for several other friends who have remarried after unexpected loss. I pray you and Peter will be blessed to grow old together. God bless.

tklicka August 4, 2014 at 4:40 PM

Thank you, RC. Your kind wishes mean a lot. It is hard not seeing what good things God has in store for us in the future, but I pray the Lord will give you joy in this and every season He has planned for you. He is not “safe,” but He IS “good.”

Hank & Jeannie August 4, 2014 at 7:32 PM

We rejoice at how the Lord has blessed you both in special ways! We have loved seeing how Peter has touched your heart in ways that 3 years ago you could not even have imagined. Thank you for sharing your joy with us. Love you both!

LaVonda August 5, 2014 at 7:02 AM

I rejoice for you and Peter! God has so many amazing gifts! I have been a widow for a little over two years. My husband was also my best friend and the love of my life. I still miss him constantly. Even though allowing someone else into my life has not been in my thoughts, I have learned to never say never to God. Happy Anniversary!

Ferree Hardy August 5, 2014 at 9:38 AM

Congratulations and blessings on two new years and many to come! Remarriage has been a wonder for me too and you’ve stated it so well. It’s not a solution to all of life’s problems, as I often tell widows, but it certainly is a new and redeeming adventure when the Lord brings it about. Thank you for sharing! I found your blog when a widow mentioned it in one of my private online support groups for widows. I’ll be adding your blog to my blog roll and praising the Lord for His work in your life.

Catherine Mikkola October 22, 2016 at 8:38 AM

Hi Tracy,

I had followed and prayed for you in your difficult journey of loosing Chris. Then when you moved off Caring Bridge to your own website I lost track of you. For some reason I could never get your new blog to come up on my computer! Then this morning I saw your cute story on Facebook about how a homeschool family changes a light bulb and I saw your new name and did a search and here you are!

I’m happy to read that you are remarried!! A very late Congratulations to both of you!

Love,
Catherine Mikkola

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