Okay, perhaps I’ve gotten your interest with his title. For those of you who don’t know me, you may be wondering, “What on earth is this woman talking about? Is she promoting divorce and remarriage???
For those who do know me, you’re aware that my marrying again is the result of being widowed in 2009, when my best friend, Chris Klicka, joined the worshiping throng of believers before God’s throne after fighting and finally losing a devastating battle with MS. Truly, my loss, his gain.
Yet, God loves bringing life out of death. Hope out of despondency. Joy out of sorrow. He has done that for me and countless others who have walked through saying goodbye to the love of their life. Did we ever think when we got married in 1984 that we would only have just over 25 years together? No way. But we never get to write the story of our lives. Only God gets to do that.
Holding my husband’s hand the last two weeks of his life, as I remembered both countless precious moments and many tremendously difficult ones, my thoughts would turn to thinking about my family’s future. How was I going to care for and teach my children without my husband by my side? I also wondered how I would provide for them, but I knew God would take care of us, just as He has always taken care of all our needs.
It wasn’t until a year after Chris died that I even thought about my future. Would I ever marry again? Would I want to? What would marriage to someone else—most likely completely different from my husband—look like? I couldn’t even begin to imagine. I only knew that God was already WAY ahead of me. He was charting out my future in His goodness and love, long before I ever got there.
Peter and I met in 2011 under slightly unusual circumstances—online, through a dating site called Christian Café—yet after dating for the next several months, both of us were clearly aware God was bringing us together. And today is our second anniversary already!
Marrying again…a new chapter of life
When Chris and I married, we were just “kids,” barely out of college, growing up together with our whole life ahead of us, like clean, blank pages of a book, just waiting to be written upon.
Peter and I, on the other hand, have brought our pasts with us into our marriage—his independence and years used to living alone (think peace and quiet, but also rather dull at times!), vs. my busy years raising and teaching seven children, and being a support for Chris in his ministry and with his MS (think loud, crazy, and fun, but also challenging and very difficult at times!)
What has this meant for our marriage, and why is marrying again good?
- Being married a second time gives you an opportunity to learn how to love someone in a fresh way. Your new spouse has a different set of needs and desires, and you get to learn all over again how to show love in a way that meets their unique needs.
- Of course, being married again also gives you an opportunity to be loved in a whole new way. Peter’s quiet ways and listening spirit have communicated care in a very different, but very deep way to me on many occasions.
- God provides you, through your spouse, strengths you didn’t know you needed, and weaknesses He will use to sanctify you and grow you in your faith. Our differences are painful at times, but through Peter, God is stretching me in new ways to see His goodness and grace. It’s sort of like my having to use muscles I’ve never really used before. The more you exercise these unused muscles, however, the easier and less painful it gets.
- I’m seeing a part of God’s wisdom, creativity, and love I would never have witnessed had I not married again.
- New experiences and adventures lie ahead to be shared! I am especially looking forward to becoming a grandparent for the first time (of many I hope!) with Peter.
- In marrying again, I’ve been given a second chance to celebrate little things more, and handle conflict more constructively.
- In widowhood, you know how desperately you need God. Even though I’m remarried, however, I’m re-learning that I must still depend on God for everything. Widow or not, God has been and always will be my provider. He is the One to whom we should look for everything we need. This is always good for my soul, and I don’t ever want to forget this truth!
- Being married again reminds us what a gift from the Lord marriage is. It is the primary means of living out the reality of the gospel on a day-to-day basis. We don’t always do it well; we do always have the promise of God’s help for every communication, financial, health, or any other challenge we face. The closer we draw near to Him, the closer we become to each other.
Celebrating two years of marriage with my second husband—my best friend and the love of my life—certainly looks different than my first marriage, but it’s good…all good.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also lovedyou and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to Godas a fragrant aroma.” ~Ephesians 5:1