Dear praying friends,
Tonight was another hard evening. Without going into much detail, Chris was having urinary blockage which was giving him a lot of discomfort. We didn’t realize it for most of the day, but God was merciful to allow his catheter to stop working so we would know this. The nurses were unaware of the problem as well.
Hospice came out this afternoon, changed his catheter, and flushed the line several times when a lot of blood clotting started coming through the line. When I realized Chris was needlessly suffering and was accumulating a lot of blood clots in his bladder, I felt horrible and quite sick to my stomach.
I could only sob great tears for my dear husband and love of my life. Even though I knew Chris was soon to be set free from all earthly suffering, I couldn’t help be overcome with anguish for him. I think perhaps this is what Jesus Himself might have experienced at the news of Lazarus’ death. Jesus knew He was going to raise him from the dead! Even still, the most devastating result of the fall, death itself loses none of its heart-wrenching effect on us.
I was so thankful for my friend Cathey Alberson who has been there all through the hospital/ICU days and several days of home hospice. She had gone to a mother/daughter retreat with her girls over the weekend, but came back in town this afternoon and was there to comfort me at a very critical moment. I just needed to grieve over one more example of how we must live out our lives in a very fallen world. The comfort of Christ means so much in these times!
God has given me such peace through this whole process; I marvel at His mercy. It’s just when I see Chris suffering that I have a really hard time. My heart just breaks to see this brave, dear man of mine hurting. The morphine does help to keep him calm, even though I hated having to give it to him. I am thankful for the relief he gets from that.
All the indicators are showing that while Chris’ heart is strong, he does not have much longer in our world. His temperature is up, his pulse is weaker, he is getting quite dehydrated, and he has internal bleeding from his bladder (possibly left over from his UTI two weeks ago). I am thankful for these last hours and moments with him, and desire for him to gain a better reward, his heavenly one!
I did want to share some sweet news amidst all the sadness. Megan, who flew in late last night, along with Bethany, Susanna, Charity and I took a short break this afternoon to go to a David’s Bridal in the area, just for fun, to look at wedding dresses. Brendan and Megan, who recently got engaged, have decided to get married next July.
Well, because we didn’t have an “appointment” to try on wedding dresses, we resigned ourselves to only be able to “look” at some. After I asked her about several different dresses, Megan found one and asked what I thought. When I saw it, I had a pretty good idea it would be the perfect dress.
We begged the attendant to allow her to try on “just this one dress”–and to our surprise, he agreed. When Megan stepped out of the dressing room, we all knew it was just perfect for her. Absolutely gorgeous we all thought!
God was so kind to allow this non-planned shopping trip turn into an opportunity to see Him at work, bringing Megan the perfect dress at a really wonderful sales price. Thank You, Lord.
We have been praying the Lord might allow Chris to wake up just long enough to see her in it before he goes Home. I know if he could, he would just burst with joy.
Thanks for your continued prayers–we grieve with hope in Him.
I love this song by Sovereign Grace Music, from their album, Come Weary Saints, and plan to go to sleep listening to these words:
OH, THE DEEP, DEEP LOVE OF JESUS
Oh, the deep deep love of Jesus
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me
Underneath me, all around me
Is the current of Your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Your glorious rest above
Oh, the deep, deep love
All I need and trust
Is the deep, deep love of Jesus.
Tracy, for Chris and the Klickaclan